26May2009
Posted by admin under: Pre-Planning.
Charity Gallardo
Network Administrator
Fairhaven Family Group
This is the information age. Everything you ever wanted to know about anything is at your fingertips via the internet. We all have email, instant messenger, Twitter, blogs, websites, message boards, and more. They all have logins requiring passwords. We start saving the passwords in our browsers because we can’t remember them all. On a daily basis this works pretty well for most people. However, what if you got sick? What if something unexpected happened to you? What if you died?
Recently, a friend of mine had to deal with this very question. A close friend of his became ill with cancer for the fourth time. Lisa had a very popular blog and wondered what would happen to it when she died. Her husband and children were not bloggers. So she turned to my friend and gave him her “power of blog”. When she went into hospice and could no longer blog, he updated her friends and fans via her blog. And when she finally died, he let everyone know by posting on her blog. The blog was used to alert people to her virtual service and it went silent with Lisa’s final blog post, posted by my friend Karl.
Thinking about your presence on the internet is something most people do not do. Yet most of us belong to online communities where someone would certainly notice if we stopped coming around. When Lisa died, within a month or so, the blogging community I belong to began passing around the link to a service called Legacy Locker. I checked it out because I own a dozen domains and maintain websites, forums, and blogs not just for myself but for other people including my daughter. If something happened to me, I wouldn’t want those people to lose their communities and blogs.
Legacy Locker provides a safe and secure way to pass your online accounts to your friends and family. It’s the “power of blog” to the nth degree. It’s relatively inexpensive and easy to figure out.
After ten years in this industry, I know the value of pre-planning. As a techie, I realize that I need to make provision for all the online things I maintain for myself and others in case something should happen to me. Pre-planning your funeral and taking care of your will make good sense. In this age of information and technology, making plans for what happens to your online presence should be a part of that pre-planning. That’s why I’m in the process of setting up a Legacy Locker for all my domains and accounts.
If you belong to any online groups at all, if you have any blogs or websites, you should look into this. In addition, if you play any online games or belong to any groups where your credit card is charged automatically on a monthly basis, this type of service is for you. Otherwise, your family will end up having to pay for all those charges during a time of mourning.
Preparing ahead of time helps minimize the stress your family will go through. If you prepare for what will happen to your pet or car in the event of your death, you should also consider dealing with your email, blog, and other internet presences. The people and friends you interact with in those communities will be grateful for information about you and in turn they can help support your family through a difficult time.
When you’re ready to pre-plan, you should definitely add your internet presence to the to-do list. Whether you choose Legacy Locker or you simply make a list of your passwords and logins, preparing in advance gives you peace of mind, knowing that your online world will be taken care of and informed.
Find out more about Legacy Locker on their FAQ page.
See what CNN had to say about Legacy Locker.
2February2009
Posted by Marla J. Noel under: Funeral Information; cemetery; cremations; grief support.
Sometimes, our families can be the worst offenders of our feelings when we have experienced a death. Maybe they have said things like; “Isn’t it time to move on?” or “I don’t want to talk about that right now.” These words can be very hurtful. However, I wonder if there are some underlying reasons that bring about these comments. It may be helpful to let your family know your feelings about some of the things they say and to discuss and understand the reasons for those comments.
Some of the reasons could be 1) They are suffering with their own grief and not willing to address it; 2) They think that they are helping you by telling you it is time to “move on”; 3) They feel guilty about their own feelings, or frustrated in their inability to help you.
In the cemetery, I see people who come to visit the grave of their loved one. Occasionally, they come with a daughter, a sister or a spouse. Sometimes, I see frustration among family members. They expect support and help from their children, siblings or spouses, however, I can see that each person is hurting, and may not be able to help themselves or anyone else.
During times of grief, our feelings can overwhelm us and prevent us from reasoning and communicating properly about our feelings. Talk to your family about your feelings, or, invite them to attend a grief support group with you. Sometimes it’s hard not to get upset with the lack of support that you are getting from your family. Remember, you are not alone in this, and sometimes this is a good reason to look outside of your family for help in getting through the grieving process.
2January2009
Posted by Marla J. Noel under: Funeral Information; cemetery; cremations; grief support.
This article was provided by the NFDA, National Funeral Directors Association
The value of a meaningful funeral cannot be underestimated. Funerals give families and friends an opportunity to come together to celebrate a life, to mourn together but also to reflect together as they share memories of a loved one and look back on times spent together. As funeral service offerings become more diverse, sometimes the choices available become overwhelming, or come with questions of their own. One of the rising trends within funeral service is cremation, a practice that is by no means new, but increasingly popular.
People who are making end of life arrangements have a lot of questions, and surveys show that consumers have a lack of information regarding funeral options and planning. There are still a lot of myths surrounding cremation, chief among them that it is an alternative to a funeral service. Cremation is, in and of itself, a means of preparing human remains for final disposition. Choosing cremation in no way suggests that a memorial service, or even a traditional funeral service, can’t or shouldn’t take place.
Cremation actually provides you with increased flexibility when you make your funeral and ceremony arrangements. You might, for example, choose to have
a traditional funeral service before the cremation – in the funeral home, with the body present. This is not an unusual occurrence, and in situations where families are split on the issue, is often a good compromise. There can also be a memorial service at the time of cremation or after the cremation with the urn present; or a committal service at the final disposition of cremated remains. Funeral or memorial services can be held in a place of worship, a funeral home, or a crematory chapel.
What is important to remember is that funerals and memorial services fill an important role for those mourning the death of a loved one. They are often the first step in the healing process, and the rituals involved provide a number of comforts to those who are grieving. Cremation is not an alternative to such a service, but merely a step in the process. There are a wide variety of options available to you and your loved ones as you think about your own needs, and your local funeral home is ready to walk you through every step of the way. Whether it’s a small memorial service or a large funeral, the key is to develop a meaningful celebration of life.
Members of the National Funeral Directors Association around the country are participating in a national education effort, For a Life Worth Celebrating, in an effort to help inform consumers about the many available options when it comes to planning a meaningful funeral service. For more information, contact your local NFDA member funeral home or visit NFDA’s Website at www.nfda.org.
26November2008
Posted by Marla J. Noel under: Funeral Information; cremations; grief support.
Frequently, we see funeral services that are well planned and a good representation of an individual’s life. We try to help families create a personalized service for each individual Fairhaven is privileged to serve. The other day I saw a service that could not have been more personalized. It was such a beautiful service, that I wanted to tell you about it.
The funeral was for a young lady; I think anyone who dies before the age of 100 is dying too young. This woman was in her late 50’s and died of cancer. She had the chance, before she died, to record her eulogy. I never had the chance to meet this woman, however, by the time she finished her eulogy, I felt as though I knew her, and I thought I understood how much she loved her children and appreciated her friends. She talked about her life, as childhood pictures transitioned on the screen. As she spoke, there were tears and giggles about the funny things in her life. She talked about her travels and some of the experiences she had enjoyed. She talked about some of the challenges as well.
After her eulogy, we all dried our eyes as her daughter and sister spoke and said a prayer. I will always remember that funeral service and I am certain that her family will also remember that funeral service. In fact, they will be able to watch her eulogy anytime they want. What a great gift to give and what a great way to help her family through the grieving process.
Too many times, I hear people talk about how unimportant their funeral will be. This woman understood the meaning of this service for her children and family, and she gave them the chance to accept her grief as well as theirs. I thank her for being such a thoughtful and loving mother and sister.
10October2008
Posted by marlanoel under: Funeral Information; cremations.
Posted by Marla J. Noel from a recent NFDA article
Funerals are a difficult time, regardless of your relationship with the person who has died. Funerals aren’t what they were a decade ago, however. Increasingly personal and unique, with an increase in non-traditional funeral services, it is oftentimes challenging to determine what is or isn’t appropriate, from how to express grief to funeral etiquette in changing times. There is no right or wrong answer, but the guiding principle should be your concern for the wishes of the family.
Obituaries can often provide useful information about what can be expected at a service, whether flowers are welcome, or donations to a favorite charity. As funerals become more of the personal celebration of a life, so too, do the practices we’ve come to associate so closely with a funeral service. One of the biggest questions asked today is what is appropriate to wear to a funeral. Tradition used to hold that black was the only appropriate color, but that is no longer the case. Funeral attire is still generally a more formal affair, but bright colors are not necessarily out of place at a service. While more conservative dress is still favored most often, funerals that may reflect a favorite hobby or certain lifestyle may find mourners arriving at a funeral home in biker gear, to give but one example. Again, the presiding rule is to respect the wishes of the family and the deceased, and to pay tribute to them in a way that’s fitting.
Funerals are a time for mourning, but they are also a time of celebration, of remembering a life and sharing those connections. It’s natural to grieve, but it’s also natural to smile through those tears and laugh as you exchange stories with family and friends. Beyond extending condolences, don’t be afraid to offer comfort to a grieving family member by relaying a treasured memory or two about their loved one. Sending a card with a note expressing similar sentiments is also a welcome reminder to families that they are not alone in their loss.
While funerals continue to evolve, the core meaning behind them hasn’t changed. They are an opportunity to remember, to show care for both the departed and the survivors, and to come together as a community to pay tribute to a life. Being aware and respectful of the family’s wishes should provide you with all the guidance you need. Just knowing that you’re there and that you care is often more than enough. Should you have questions, however, your local funeral home can be a good source of advice and information about proper funeral etiquette and what’s expected as a participant in a service.
Members of the National Funeral Directors Association nationwide are participating in a national education For a Life Worth Celebrating™, in an effort to help inform consumers about the many available options when it comes to planning a meaningful funeral service. For more information, contact your local NFDA member funeral home or visit NFDA’s Website.
